You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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