The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
