Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
