I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
