I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
