I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
