why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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