Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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