I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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