Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
