all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
