my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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