Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
