It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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