I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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