but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
