Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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