'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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