yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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