It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
