I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
