So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
