i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize