dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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