he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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