i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
