I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
