I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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