My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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