Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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