Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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