He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
