girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
