I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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