goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
