I just cut my nipple shaving
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
