just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
