woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I need moral support for this bender
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
