Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
not ubering you a puppy
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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