I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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