Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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