Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize