She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
