Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
