Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
