Screwed.edu
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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