I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize