We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
