Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
