I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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