i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize