What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
