I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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