Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
