can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
