Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
