You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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