I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
