Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
