in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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