the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My vagina just clenched in fear
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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