if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
