You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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