I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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