Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
