just come out here and I will go home with you...
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
