Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
