the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
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