You just made me feel so damn special
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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