blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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